Gracie

It's only fitting that on national dog day that I post about the newest member of our family Gracie. She's not so new anymore but still qualifies as the most recently added. In April 2014 my brother brought his teeny tiny pup to easter dinner and I was smitten with her. I have never considered myself a dog person and really didn't need another thing to take care of but I decided I wanted one. Adam and I talked and decided we wanted a small dog and it needed to be hypoallergenic. I hit the ads on KSL and looked and looked and looked. Weeks went by and I looked and considered several ads. We found one at the pound that I had mind set on only to send Adam to go get her and he said no (my cousin ended up adopting her so yay!).  Then, I found the perfect dog. Only problem? The dog was is St. George.  We came up with several plans on how we were going to get this dog home to us. My brother just happened to be vacationing there and he was more than willing to bring it home. Since his dog was the one that got me dog-hungry that seemed only fitting. We worked it out with the owners and he was on his way to pick it up when I recieved a call; the dog was gone. I had talked to the husband who had promised me the dog and his wife talked to someone else and they never talked to each other. I was devestated. I was just so sure that was our dog! The next day I sadly started looking again. One of the first dogs I saw on KSL that morning was gracie. I immediately sent the picture to Adam and he replied, "go get her". Within the hour I was picking up our new puppy and falling in love. 

This was her driving away from her home. They called her Sprinkles but we took a family vote and decided to call her Gracie. 

These were taken that first day at her new home. She is such a sweet girl and the whole family is just head over heels in love with her, something that I thought would change when the novelty wore off. I can't even remember what life was like without her! It's funny because I never thought I would love a dog but she has my heart. She loves Adam and me the best and there is a hierarchy to who she prefers. She gets a little grumpy with Owen and Ian but she tolerates them. She likes to be on someone's lap or at someone's feet at all times. She loves to tease the golden retrievers next door and she loves to visit grandma Harris and their dog rocky. She has just made our family that much better! We love her! 

Summer stay-cation

It wasn't really in our budget to take a vacation this year so we decided instead to take a little trip to park city. We had such a great time and did lots of things we had never done before! 

The first thing we did when we got there was hit the pool 

These two didn't spend near enough time at the pool this summer so they were so excited to swim. They even talked me into joining them! The rest of the family stay back in the condo and just relaxed. 

The next day we headed over to the Olympic training park. We had never been there before and it was pretty cool! 

We watched some ski jumpers practicing. We couldn't believe how high they launched! It was definitely worth it to watch in person! 

After that we headed over to the zipline. 

 Owen was really nervous (I was as well!) but he put on a brave face and did it! In fact he did it twice! 

After that the kids all did the challenge course. 

After lunch it was time for the alpine slide. Once again owen was so nervous. 

I was so proud of Owen for facing his fears! I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm afraid of heights and it may rub off on him a little. I'm getting braver every time I'm faced with a challenge and this is why! I want my kids to know the can do hard things!

This is what Ian thought about waiting for everyone!

We finished the night at the condo's game room and then again at the pool. 

The next day we headed to the outlets to shop for school clothes. Shopping with all six of us was quite the challenge but even Ian was well behaved and we were done in just a couple hours. 

It was fun to spend some summer days in the crisp moutain air. We've visited park city several times in winter but don't visit as often in the summer. It's was also just so good to be together since Matthais worked full time all summer and we didn't see him very often. 

Time to take out the trash

Yesterday was a good, well, ok first day back. I was so excited for the chance to be home without the kids and I actually felt like I might accomplish something. I had grand plans about chores and projects and things I might accomplish. Instead I found myself feeling emotionally vulnerable and battling thoughts and feelings I thought I had overcome. I had been invited to attend a brunch yesterday but instead I attended my own sobfest complete with irrational thoughts and that oh so hideous ugly cry. I finally pulled myself together just in time to work my shift at the high school book room. I love being at the high school and I love the energy there. I know a lot of crappy things happen with kids that age but for the most part the teenagers I know are great. I felt so much better while I was there but after I left the feelings of self doubt surfaced again. The nurse at Ian's school had asked if I could come at 2:00 to administer his afternoon medication and sign the necessary papers for them to do it the rest of  the the year so I headed over there. The principal stopped me on the way to the nurses office to tell me that there had been an incident and another (quite larger) student had hit Ian. Instantly the mama bear in me released her claws. In the past Ian has been a target for other kids and has had some pretty nasty injuries. I am really not looking forward to another year of my child being the classroom punching bag. At the same time, we are dealing with special needs kids who sometimes have very little control over their actions. I drove home feeling helpless, frustrates and overwhelmed with the emotions of the day. I got home and immediately climbed into bed, a practice that had already consumed most of my summer. I laid there until I heard Millie come home when I remembered I had wanted to make them a treat for their first day of school. I quickly whipped something up and climbed back in bed. I had young women's later but Adam is out of town and I knew I had the perfect excuse for not going; Ian. The last thing I wanted to do was be around people. At the last minute I decided I needed to go and that Ian would just have to go with me. What a tender mercy from the Lord in the way of a prompting that I needed to be there! I work with good women in my ward who are my friends and who love me and I needed to be with them! I spewed my emotional garbage on them and they listened with patience and kindness and I immediately felt better. I went to bed with a not so heavy heart and awoke today ready for life's challenges. Today I decided to take out the trash i.e. The emotional garbage that weighed so heavily on me yesterday. I have lots to do in the house, a shift at the book room again and lunch with my BFF and life saver Pam to celebrate back to school. I promised her Tuesday that I wouldnt be ornery so I better keep that promise! 

On another note, the kids all seemed to have a great first day (minus Ian). Millie reconnected with an old friend which was way out of her comfort zone, turned in her first homework of the year (she had it all summer) and is excited about her classes and teachers. Matthais finally got his schedule fixed and told me he is genuinely excited about his classes this year. Owen enjoyed his new class and new teacher except for a girl that "creepily stares" at him! Fourth grade crush maybe? I had to laugh as he told me the story about that! Kids! So great days all around and today I've decided it's my day! I am going to have a great one! 

The best day of summer

It's funny to me to read all the posts in facebook and instagram about how sad it is to send the kids back to school. I have to admit years ago when I read things like this I was overwhelmed with intense feelings of guilt. Why was I so eager to get my kids out the door to school while everyone else was so sad to see it happen? Where were those motherly feelings that everyone but me seem to have. I love my kids. I love doing fun things with them and I do enjoy summer break but come August I am ready for routine and order. Anyone that has worked with me knows that I like a schedule and I don't like to deviate from it. This year I was even more anxious than normal to get school going again. Last night I felt as though I couldn't survive another second of life as it was currently going. I had hope though, cause I knew in he morning I would send my little darlings off to school and I would spend a glorious day recharging my spirit! So far I have done just that!

This kid is senior. The only thing sad about today is that this is his last first day. It breaksy heart just a little that this handsome young man is having a year of lasts. There will be lots of tears shed as I watch him learn and grow and spread those wings. Besides, wasn't I just a senior in high school?

This kid is a sophomore. Don't let that smile fool you, he has not been this happy all summer. It was a difficult summer for both of us but we are ready for a great school year. He will still attend his special needs school and he will have a new teacher. Cross your fingers for us!

This little beauty is in 8th grade. She know the ropes and is confident about jr high. She has a great group of friends so that helps mom be confident about sending her out to the lions den too. 

This little guy is starting 4th grade at a new school. He will be doing the ALL program there It's a little nerve racking for both of us but he has a little buddy there and I feel like it will be a good growth opportunity for him. Only bad thing is that can no longer walk to school. Boo! 

Then there is me. Back to school for the kids means get to work for me. I will be serving as the PTSA president at our high school. This is hugely out of my comfort zone but I am already loving meeting new  people and making new friends. Just like Owen, I hope to experience tremendous growth this year too. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there, right? 

Life...or something like it

Some days life is really just a blur. Today the kids went back to school and after a crazy morning I came home, sat down and sobbed uncontrollably. I wasn't sad, frustrated, angry or any of the other emotions one might expect to come with tears. I think, for me it was just a release. The dam finally broke and the water just flowed. This summer was hard. Like so unbelievably H.A.R.D! I suffered from some pretty nasty depression and anxiety. Ian had some new and unwelcome behaviors. I lost my best friend this past year (not as in died, just gone) and I had some serious issues with self worth and self esteem. I felt alone. Thankfully I had a few people I love in my life to help spread a little sunshine on me but for the most part I felt pretty alone. That's all another story for another day though. One of the things that I realized this summer was how much I love this blog! It's been years since I've done any serious writing and I have no followers (although that's fine with me). I forgot how cathartic writing on this blog everyday was! It was a way for me to say what I wanted to say, in a safe environment, keep the memories of my family alive, and laugh at all of life's little curve balls. Yesterday I visited with my grandpa and as we were leaving he urged us all to start and keep a journal. I knew at that moment it was time to resurrect the blog! It was an urging I had had several times this summer and this was my second witness. So here I am, ready to keep it real, ready to give you an insight to our crazy life and ready to heal myself. If you're here say hi but if it's just me and my musings that's ok too. Be prepared for some catch up too... I want to record as much as I can so I will try to back post a little. I guess I'll need to update pictures too! I'm not sure if I even remember how so be patient with me and my work in progress. Let's get started!

Family Pictures

Over Christmas break we were lucky enough to have my brother Dustin come to town. We haven't seen him since July 2001 so this was pretty awesome! We decided that we would take some family pictures even though they will be outdated in a few weeks when we have a new baby in the family. We just don't know when Dusty will be back! My brother-in-law John Jay was awesome enough to take these for us.

New Year's Eve

We are so boring and so un-creative we planned nothing for New Year's Eve. Emilia and Owen made it their goal to stay up until midnight much to my dismay because all I wanted to do was go to bed. I wasn't worried though, they both had sleepovers the night before and I knew the were tired. They totally proved me wrong. When midnight came around they were still awake. I won't say WIDE awake cause as you can tell by this picture taken at midnight they were just hanging on!